Saturday, June 5, 2010

there are times when i regret not being able to write poems. i wish God had granted me with this one wish if not anything else.
i love poetry and i love reading poems-provided that i'm able to understand it,of course.i absolutely admire those who can express every emotion by weaving in simple words. i'm amazed every time i come across a simple yet highly expressive line...and i'm filled with awe,regret and envy. :(
i did try my hand at poetry once,but the outcome was too embarrassing and juvenile to be put up for public display.
conventionally,people who are artistically inclined have the ability of painting beautiful pictures with simple words.although i'm not even halfway through this mind boggling and utterly confusing process of self discovery,i've always believed myself to be more oriented towards arts than science.alright,lets not raise eyebrows here,for i KNOW i've opted for science subjects,but my first love will always be literature. as a result,i did secretly hope that one day i might just accidentally come across the hidden poet in me.
but alas..that was never meant to be..for i still have to struggle for words everytime i experience something that sweeps me off my feet.
this shall always be one regret in my life..and i believe i have to make do with admiring and envying all those lucky folks who get supreme satisfaction out of expressing their feelings through their beautifully woven words.
kudos,to all you poets out there.

Monday, March 8, 2010


back after a long long time.i wouldnt say i didnt get time.i did.but i was too lazy to type things down.not good,i know.

well,lots have happened..since my last post was in october and its march now...theres a lot to be shared.
for one,all those who know what spectrum is,must also be knowing that this was yet another spectrum year.and this time,i was privilidged enough to observe this mega event from a different perspective. being one of the anchors this was a whole new experience.everyday trips to industry house and being treated like a "somebody" was definitely a great feeling..and i thank God for giving me this opportunity.had i not got it,i would have lost out on meeting some wonderful people and getting to know some others from a different angle. yes,another noteworthy thing is that this time,we got the honour of meeting amitabh bacchan as well. :)

exams have started and i'm halfway through.

a week and a half before my exams started,on the 16th of feb,my grandfather expired. for him,it was an obvious relief from his pains.its a day i wouldnt like to recall,but this was possibly the first time i saw death up so close.the only relief i get out of this situation is that i went to meet him the day he passed away.i wouldnt say that he got to know i had come;he was in a semi coma, but its just a relief that i went to see him while he was still there. this was the first time i felt somebody so close go away,and i just dont know how to explain the feeling when i touched his cold arm. knowing him throughout my life,all the memories i had with him came rushing to me that day.
his visits on birthdays,his numerous gifts of frooti's and chawanprash, his dedication and insistence that he would cover our school books, that one day in spring when me,ma and didi would go and stay over one day after exams..walking down that small lane with mossy walls to see him sitting on his favourite chair with a mane of silver hair..going to meet him after getting my report card to show him my grades..his goodbye kisses...and the way he used to hold my hand when i said "ashchi dadubhai.." if he didnt want to let me go.
its been a pleasure knowing you,dadubhai. thank you for all the love i got from you these 16 years. not many people get the good fortune of having grandparents,and i'm thankful that you were there.i'm happy with the memories i have, for whatever happens,these memories cant be thrust into electric pyres and burnt to ashes.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


just a random thought which struck me.

okay.suppose there is a certain something which you value a lot.more than anything or would give or take lives to protect that something.but then one day,situations force you to give it cry,plead and pray so that you dont have to give it up.but well,you dont seem to have any other choice.
and ultimately,when you do gather up the courage to give it up,you get to know that you dont really have to.things can be normal even if you dont give it up.thus,you are left with no choice but to embrace it again,and even if you do embrace it,you realize that somewhere down the line,the fierce passion to keep it as your possession is fading care for it,but not as would cry plead and pray if you ever have to give it up again,but you would also know how to let go of would know that when once you have had the courage to give up what you want the most,you'd have the courage to give it up again-if ever the need arises.and i guess thats what is known as strength.having the courage to give up what you want...more than anything or anybody.

a very very random might just confuse you. :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

gone with the wind

This entry has long been overdue.This is in dedication to Margaret Mitchell's epic love story,Gone With The Wind.
Keeping the Civil War as the backdrop,Margaret Mitchell did a highly commendable job with the book.The horrors of the war and the events were vividly described and a shiver ran down my spine at every gory detail.

Personally,the character of Scarlett O'Hara is my favourite.She is shown as a typical human being-not as some saintly virtuous protagonist who sacrificed everything for her family and loved ones.Scarlett O'Hara is a ruthless,unscrupulous,practical and selfish woman.She did what she did for herself and for nobody else.But in spite of what she did,one is left with no choice but to respect and admire her strong and undaunted personality.

Rhett Butler is a cynical character and an egoist.Despite his attempts to hide his love for Scarlett with mockery of her character and inspite of wondering whether he truely loves Scarlett,I could not but help like his character.He is definitely not my definition of an ideal man-but he has a certain aura of wickedness about him which is highly seducing.He is the "bad guy"-one whom society despises-and mothers warn their daughters about-but this is precisely what makes Rhett Butler so attractive and desirable.

While I was in the midst of reading this book,somebody asked me," Why are you reading this book?" Amazed,I had replied that i wanted to and asked her why she had asked such a question.To that,she smiled and said,"last obdi por,bujhbi."
I strongly believe in happily ever afters, so needless to say,the end came as a huge shock.It seemed so unjustified that one should fall in love with the other when the other had already fallen out of love.But the end is probably what makes the book so special.Every word of Rhetts departing speech is a blow to both Scarlett and the readers,and although you want to cry at the unfairness of it all,it seems so practical and obvious that the tears just dont seem to come out.

All in all,Gone With The Wind did have a special effect on me,and just as the book keeper of the golpark footpath bookstore said to me,"This is one book you must have at home."

Monday, August 31, 2009


I would like to dedicate this entry to three very special women of my life.

1. I wouldn’t be, if you weren’t there. You are my God, my strength and my weakness, my beginning and my end. I’ve felt you around my canopy..for 16 years and 13 months my pillar of support,my ocean of faith. Nobody can ever love me as unconditionally as you do,inspite of the rude arrogant monster that I am. You are an enigmatic and wonderful woman,and I’m proud to be YOUR daughter. You inspire me in a way nobody can.“ I owe everything I have,to you…mother sweet mother of mine…”

2. This is to the lady who wished me into this earth.The lady, who was then a five year old-and who prayed to God to give her a baby sister. Thank you. Inspite of all the terrible fights we have, I’ve come to love you unconditionally in the last 16 years. You are a strong girl and I respect you and admire you for the person you are. May you get all the happiness you ask for,for I don’t know a second person who deserves it as much as you do. You are…..” the sister of my heart…”

3. The best friend I never had. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be me when I’m with you. Thank you for all the moments we spent together. Thank you for being my mirror…and my treasure trove of secrets.
I don’t know where we’ll be 10 years from now and how things might be..but I’ll always love you for being there during my worst lows and the best highs.

“You ask me how,
I know, its true
That the kingdom of heaven
Abides in you.

Well, I’ve seen it there
And I’ve heard Gods voice
Each time you make
My heart rejoice.”

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Exams are on,but funnily it doesn't seem so.
I'm not studying the amount I'm supposed to and I dont know what's gonna happen. Like every other 16/17 year old who's just come up to the 11th,I'm suffering from the "oh-its-11-so-i-wont-expect-to-pass" syndrome.
And the countless bandhs have in fact helped me get into this holiday mood right in the middle of the exams.

I just want to get over with thursday.And holiday begins. :)

This is a lousy post,so kindly pass.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Well,I managed to scrape a 92.8% in my boards.And I have no idea how!
It was a pensive night on the 19th..and i finally dozed off at 3:30,after finishing half a bottle of grappo fizz, one short story, and one episode of tom and jerry.
Sohini had come over on the morning of the 20th,for she wanted to check her results along with me. I truely can't explain how we spent that half hour between 10:30 to 11.
But just nanoseconds before the screen displayed my result,i became numb.And even after I got my marks,I felt...nothing.I somehow managed to calculate my percentage..with shaky hands. But again,I felt nothing.Absolutely nothing.For it just did not sink in.
And to be absolutely frank now,I did not expect this result in my wildest dreams! I was losing my sleep the night before thinking of what might happen if I got a 70%. Getting a 90%...was..well..i just drove that thought out every time it entered my mind!
But now that it has finally been absorbed by my system,all I feel is wonder.At how i managed to do it.I never completed solving more than five test papers for any subject.I never stayed up late,nor did i wake up early.Neither did i spend more than 4 hours studying continuously.I never made notes,and I never followed the ones I had.But all i actually did was read the text.And I went for the exams feeling totally unprepared.
Before anything else however,I must say that a whole lot of credit goes to my mum.After a tedious year of screaming,shouting,crying,howling...I must thank my mum,for had it not been for her constant recorded speeches and wise shooing aways,i probably would not have got what i have.

I'm happy for everybody who fared well,for i know how it feels to see a years hard work bearing fruit.I'm happy that I've been able to cross one small hurdle in life..although I know there are "miles to go before I sleep".....! I'm happy that Ive made a few people happy..for this is the least I can do to repay them.
Thank you dear Lord,for being with me. I love you. :)

P.S- NEVER EVER stop believing in wishing on mail-vans.They do come true. :)