Thursday, May 21, 2009


Well,I managed to scrape a 92.8% in my boards.And I have no idea how!
It was a pensive night on the 19th..and i finally dozed off at 3:30,after finishing half a bottle of grappo fizz, one short story, and one episode of tom and jerry.
Sohini had come over on the morning of the 20th,for she wanted to check her results along with me. I truely can't explain how we spent that half hour between 10:30 to 11.
But just nanoseconds before the screen displayed my result,i became numb.And even after I got my marks,I felt...nothing.I somehow managed to calculate my percentage..with shaky hands. But again,I felt nothing.Absolutely nothing.For it just did not sink in.
And to be absolutely frank now,I did not expect this result in my wildest dreams! I was losing my sleep the night before thinking of what might happen if I got a 70%. Getting a 90%...was..well..i just drove that thought out every time it entered my mind!
But now that it has finally been absorbed by my system,all I feel is wonder.At how i managed to do it.I never completed solving more than five test papers for any subject.I never stayed up late,nor did i wake up early.Neither did i spend more than 4 hours studying continuously.I never made notes,and I never followed the ones I had.But all i actually did was read the text.And I went for the exams feeling totally unprepared.
Before anything else however,I must say that a whole lot of credit goes to my mum.After a tedious year of screaming,shouting,crying,howling...I must thank my mum,for had it not been for her constant recorded speeches and wise shooing aways,i probably would not have got what i have.

I'm happy for everybody who fared well,for i know how it feels to see a years hard work bearing fruit.I'm happy that I've been able to cross one small hurdle in life..although I know there are "miles to go before I sleep".....! I'm happy that Ive made a few people happy..for this is the least I can do to repay them.
Thank you dear Lord,for being with me. I love you. :)

P.S- NEVER EVER stop believing in wishing on mail-vans.They do come true. :)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I went to meet dadubhai at his place that day.All along the way,i was pretty much normal,but just before entering his room...i dont know why,i said a quick prayer to myself...asking God for strength.However,what I saw inside was far worse than what I had imagined.Due to old age,his heart has weakened,and the oxygen carrying capacity of his blood has lessened.As a result,his responses arent working properly.He cant speak,he cant walk,he cant move...all he could do when I went in,was look at me.I dont know if he could recognize me,but it was traumatic to see what remained of him.I couldnt understand what his eyes said...for they didnt say much.They were completely blank.
And this time,prayers wont work.For there is no hope.And when there isnt any,what can one pray for? A miracle? But how long would that last?
When i got back home,the irony of the situation struck me hard.My dadubhai was a lawyer.A man of a thousand words.Today,words fail to escape him.
Life is strange,indeed.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


Things are going pretty bad these days.
To begin with,dadubhai's admitted to the nursing home,and chances are that he might not improve.his heart is probably giving out,and the worst part is...he's not being able to communicate with anybody.
And I haven't yet gone to meet him,because I hate going to hospitals to meet people.It just doesn't seem right.But I might just have to go,before its too late.Yes,"before its too late". There is a possibility that it might be too late.So...well,things are miserable. tiring.Apart from today,the last few days in Calcutta were ridiculously hot,and every ounce of energy was sucked out of my body by continuous slogging at school and tuitions.

Plus,I'm lacking sleep,and my eyes feel like they've been cello taped open forever.

As for Rabindra Jayanti practice at school..well,Blue House has made a resolution that we will NOT come third AGAIN this year.Sure we wont.But we'll definitely come last.

And today was the first day i ever became scared of a thunderstorm.Me,who's absolutely and hopelessly in love with thunderstorms,was afraid of the same.But well,thats because mom and dad weren't there at home,and the window pane just cracked into two..and I had to sit there holding it for ten long minutes during which I wondered what I should do.
Yes,I'm a loser,I know.
Even if I'm not,right now,I'm having this strong feeling that I am.